Are you Baby Crazy for Baby Everything?

A very warm welcome to my fellow baby crazers out there! I am really hoping that I am not alone in what I am about to share…

How many of you have oh, I don’t know, a full bin or more of baby things you have purchased or made for your ‘children’…. But you currently only have cats? Or dogs, or fish, or nothing, I am not partial. Because I have a problem. I have a fierce fierce love for small, soft, baby things and I love to go bumming.

For those of you who didn’t grow up in northern Wisconsin, bumming is like going around town or to garage sales or shops with literally no purpose except to maybe find something you like or find a good deal. This concept is still appalling to my husband after seven years of knowing me and my family. It is one of my favorite past times to this day!

But now, this rainy day habit has culminated into an almost embarrassing amount of children things for my… cats?…

Let’s take a minute to get real about baby fever though. I am sure you have heard this term tossed around, but this. Is. A. Real. Thing. Live Science has a quick-read article found here that talks about the ‘see one, want one’ desires. Scientists and doctors have gone so far as to acknowledge that women can alter their own menstrual cycles in response to the stress of desiring a child while trying to conceive. The brain is crazy and complex and, if convinced, it may trick the body into creating the symptoms of pregnancy. This WebMD article really helped me calm down when I was a week late on my period once. I had all of the symptoms and pregnancy was not out of the question, but it was all a mind game I was playing with myself. And that shit ain’t messin’ around.

I would rate my current state at maybe an 7 out of 10 on the ‘must be impregnated now’ scale. My precious husband and I have been talking about it for about a year now and have narrowed down our time frame, but it has honestly been a hard year.

As a prospective parent, how do you juggle your desires with wanting the best situation for the life you are bringing into the world? Each person will have their own opinion on what is good for a baby, what is good for your marriage, what is good for your career. I would have to say that fifty percent of people who get corned into a conversation about parenting with me straight up say there is no good time, you will never have enough money, and why are you even bothering to plan?

All valid points.

I have searched forums (varying levels of usefulness), blogs, and have talked with people I know who are new mothers searching for some consolation. There is not really a personalized answer out there if you happen to be struggling with this too. I can share what has helped me through this time of my life, and would love to hear what has helped you and your significant other.

The hubby and I each made a list of things we would like to accomplish before we have little ones. We did this on our own and came together to discuss the lists afterwards so that we didn’t skew the results. My list had things like run more half marathons, visit three countries, move from our condo to a home, and for my littlest sisters (6 and 8 years old) to be a little older before taking on the auntie role. My husband decided he wanted to do a triathlon, get into better shape, feel established in his career, also travel to three countries, and have at least ten thousand dollars in an emergency savings account.

This list has been great, because when either of us feels that fever coming on, we have tangible goals we can remind each other of. These things also have encouraged us to get out there and do some really neat stuff that not all couples will get to do.

With my husband’s goal to have ten thousand dollars in savings we are jointly committed to a set budget.  We both know what we want, and we hold each other accountable for making that happen.

Notice: I say jointly committed but I don’t say we are nailing that commitment quite yet. “In loose agreement” is probably more accurate. I have been called impulsive in the past. Really not sure what I did to deserve that…. :p

The only way I have been able to wiggle around that with him (I get excited and do a lot of wiggling around this topic) is to include the nine months of pregnancy and any savings generated during that time into the goal. I was very convincing one night when I complained that getting to that goal and having to wait a whole nine months was just going to be too painful. (; He sees right through me every time, but his understanding smile can often help put my heart (and empty womb) at rest.

Side note: the worst (best?) part of all of this is that my husband is going to be the best damn father out there. I know it, our friends and family say it often, and he has been praised in all of his positions in clinics or camps working with little ones. My heart just glows when I see him with kids. If you have a partner that you are enamored with and so proud of, waiting to share the joy of parenting feels ten times harder. I wish he didn’t have to make this so difficult on me, the stinker!

Finally, we both have some kind of career goal that we know will be much harder to achieve if all we want to do during the day is cuddle our little babies. That temptation will be very real and very difficult to ignore while we sit at our day jobs. Waiting might give us a unique opportunity to support a child at home or have flexible work hours.

The last topic I want to touch on briefly here is the mainly for the women reading this, but men definitely may have this fear as well. With all of the horror stories we hear about miscarriages, infertility, and female health during pregnancy on social media and in our social circles there is plenty to be weary of.

I have had to accept the fact that there is no way my husband and I can plan for things that are out of our control. Stressing to get pregnant soon, simply to know whether or not I can even conceive, is not a solution to that problem. We are both very faith-filled individuals and believe God has a purpose and a plan in the most difficult of times. As a woman, I will need to find patience if it takes more time than I had planned to conceive and as a couple we will need to be united on any issues with infertility or health. The total process from conceiving a child to bringing one into this world, while glorious, is not simple. Fear will do nothing but create stress, negativity, and complicate the matter even further.

I think those deep breathing techniques need to begin like now for me to ignore the thoughts that all of this anticipation, daydreaming, and baby bumming will be for naught.  God willing, we will all have our time and we will be as prepared as we can be for such a life altering event.

In the meantime, I will continue to sew baby quilts for close family and friends that are having children. I will hit up that dollar bin at Goodwill for Oshkosh B’gosh overalls every time we drive by, and my pinterest boards will keep exploding. Dream on baby crazers. And someone please tell me that this is normal! Or at least acceptable. I would take acceptable.

xoxo   Drifted Way